Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
