Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
