2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
