Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
