dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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