I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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