I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
