I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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