I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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