Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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