I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
