A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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