I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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