i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize