Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
