i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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