did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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