So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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