new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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