I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish you could order shots online.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
