youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't think brook has ever known best
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
