After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
