After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
