i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
