she was so not down for the gang bang
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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