I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
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It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize