I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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