Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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