Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
