in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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