I have demons in me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
