he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
