How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
