actually, I'm a sock model
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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