i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
