i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
