For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
