this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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