i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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