That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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