We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
