somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
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Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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