I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We are two peas in an std pod
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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