I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
