She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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