I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
