I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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