Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
