When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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