So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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