I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
