glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
