Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
