i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I need a burrito and a hug.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize