Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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