My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
