You work out of a Hotel?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
