I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
