Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
