make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
