I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
