I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
