____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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