Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
