Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
