I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
