tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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