At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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